On the night of December 6, 2014, I took a home pregnancy test because I felt I might be pregnant. My period wasn't really late yet, but I didn't feel any PMS and was curious. It didn't help that I also had plenty of unused tests lying around begging to be peed on. I got a faint positive line! After a few days I retested and got the same very, very faint line. Almost unnoticeable, but it did get darker out of the time frame specified on the package. So there definitely WAS some hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin, the hormone released during pregnancy) going on there.
I finally went and got a blood test December 10th just to confirm. HCG measured at 68, which is kind of low, but doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong. It was still early on. Progesterone was nice and high. The midwife who ordered the blood test and gave me the results was convincing me that I have to wean if I want a health pregnancy, but since I knew I had no problematic history and my progesterone was fine, there was really no reason to stop just yet. And it's a good thing I didn't. At that time I didn't know it, but breastfeeding would become my healing and coping mechanism.
I never experienced any pregnancy symptoms, just a missed period! No nausea, no cramping, no weird pains, no tiredness and fatigue, nothing! I kept thinking something was off because last time around I was feeling lots of symptoms at this point in the pregnancy. I got some pimples (which I never got last pregnancy). I wasn't curious for too long because on December 28th I started to bleed. First like a period, but then like Niagara Falls.
The next day I went to the ob/gyn office and the midwife who examined me said my cervix is closed so that's a good sign, but she ordered a vaginal ultrasound and blood test to see what's happening. Blood test on December 29th showed an hCG count of only 2300 which is way too low. The numbers have to double every 48-72 hours, and this was way, way behind. December 30th was the day for my ultrasound appointment and the results: no heartbeat, gestational sac inside the cervix, something else on one of the ovaries. So clear, I know. The doctor was also confused.
January 2nd I retake the blood test and the level is now at 568. That's a very good sign. Still bleeding. January 5th I pass what seems to be the embryo or whatever because it's just one big blob of something indiscernible. Finally. After that bleeding tapers off, my levels continue to drop, I breastfeed Sam.
It was so, so good that I was still able to nurse. Imagine I'd have weaned and then after this experience I'd lose that delicious, pleasurable, nurturing mothering bond. Devastating thought! Each time I nursed Sam throughout this ordeal, it gave me renewed strength. I delighted in nursing, more than I ever did.
I did not ignore the midwife's advice completely, though. I did drop two feedings in the span of those few weeks. I felt they weren't really necessary anyway, plus I needed more sleep (less waking up at night). It wasn't difficult at all because Sam ate much better and his sleeping development progressed to allow him to sleep much longer stretches at night.
Some points:
- My supply was not affected by this at all. In fact I didn't have any hormonal drops in supply that I normally got with ovulation. So that's a good thing. People think the day they become pregnant is the day their milk supply vanishes into thin air and they've got to wean ASAP. It doesn't work like that. Most of the time the supply changes occur during the second trimester.
- The myth about breastfeeding during pregnancy causing miscarriages? Well, here's an explanation: For a pregnancy to be able to continue and the fetus to grow and be supported, you need adequate levels of progesterone. That's what thickens the uterine lining every month. Breastfeeding is associated with lower levels of progesterone. In most cases, if a woman doesn't have any history of low progesterone, breastfeeding will totally not cause a loss of pregnancy.
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